It's once again been a long time since I have written. It seems I avoid it. Although that is never a good thing, for me, its unhealthy. This is a natural release for me in my life. So here I am, now living in San francisco. I have some things a bit more figured out, and many still unsure about.
I moved to San Francisco in June of 2009. Second place I looked at I fell in love with, good price, beautiful view, safe neighborhood, walking distance to work, old victorian style, high ceilings, hardwood floors, what more could I ask for? What brought me to the city? My first professional job out of college. I started as the assistant to the owner of Studio D, a homestaging/interior design/retail studio. After a few months I gained enough knowledge and strength in the business for her to let the reigns go to me, and so hear I am, 24 years old, running the retail division on my own. Definately good experience, I can do this. Once I gain two years in this position, I can move into another management role. I could work in fashion, or perhaps another field of interior design.
What do I really want? I want to be an interior designer. I want to work under someone that shows me the reigns, teaches me everything they know. Become an art director? Who knows...endless possibilities at this point.
Life is short. The thing I have learned most from this year. Loosing Anthony, someone I held so dear to my heart, and watching others endure the loss of other young people in their lives, I realize that I truly need to make the most of this life. Have those connecting moments with dear friends, breathe each breath of air with full appreciation, and tell those around me how much they mean to me.
I still fell anxiety about things, how do I jump to the next stage? Its funny how the pressure is never ending. It continues to breath down your neck just as you think you've reached the next tier in life. I have so many aspirations and want to do so many things its overwhelming at times, how can I channel my passions for all of these things in a logical subsequent way that I will be able to fulfill them at some point throughout my life.
And so now 24, reaching the cusp of a new year, I once again begin to think about what life means to me. Its about nourishing my soul, feeding the relationships that help me grow, and meeting people randomly that act as an angel on my shoulder that neither I nor they have any clue of when that encounter takes place.
I met a man on the train one day, he said "never let anyone take away your happiness girl. Its yours and no one elses to take from you." I am constantly inspired by this city and the people in it, but now I need to fully channel that inspiration into something substantial. I am yearning school again, the discipline and expansion of my mind is much needed....
Rain drops drizzle down my window spelling words along the glass
Faith. Strength. Belief. and Bravery shine through
A moment encased by my bedroom walls, a moment I see words that aren't actually there
Words that I just want to see. Words that I need in my life.
Stop yearning for more, appreciate where you are at, accept the void
Depth is a hard thing to fill, almost impossible, but you have your whole life to fill it
So spend time truthfully, be real with yourself and others, and accept the moment for what it is.
Thunder strikes, lightening follows, and I am once again reminded of how miniscule I am to the world around me
A microcosome of life, feeling, and occasion
The world is so vast, so much to discover
So let it rain, pour the words down my sill, and paint the truth on my walls
Vibrant sun shines the next morning, air crisp and insecure
As this world fights to live in a depression
The world is on its knees, begging the planet to not sucumb to its maltreatment
Begging each other to share the alititude those who are lucky have reached
Its not a time of justice, its a time of reliance
Reliance on who we know and how to make it to the next day
Edagar Allen Poe would have found happiness in this depression
Something so dark and yet afraid to uncover its eyes to the world
We are told it will be fine
We are told we will be taken care of
But the reality is that we are each alone, alone to find our footing once again in a world not of our own.
Peace and Happiness to all.
Opening...Welcome!
Catch 22-Discovering Life in your 20's is a memoir centered on the tumultuos discovery of life and one's self in their twenties. Who am I? What makes me happy? What makes me sad? What makes me spark? What drives me? What career path do I choose? How do I find my soul-mate? Does a soul-mate even exist? What are the qualities I am searching for in that person? I have found that person...are they right for me? How do I find comfort in my own skin? Am I making the right decisions? Am I being safe with sex and drugs? At what point do my bad habits need to end? How do I budget my money and myself? How do I establish balance in my life? Questions out-weigh the answers, answers that we must continue through this tunnel of experience to understand.
Life is becoming more real every minute, adulthood sinks in, and some of the darkest AND most beautiful aspects of life begin to show face. Some of you will experience heartbreak for the first time, some will experience death, some will enter the work force to discover that the gossip and social politics we dealt with in high school are never-ending.
As we linger on the cusp of this critical moment in time, two steps forward often follow by one step back, frustration and pain interchange with excitement and novelty, and a new sense of discovery is born.
"I've got it!" "I know who I am!" "I know what I want!" These are the statements we proclaim with vigilance...and then there's a CATCH.
Something happens, someone lets us down, life changes unexpectedly and we feel back at square one.
This is the Catch 22--this is the battle of life in our twenties.
Life is becoming more real every minute, adulthood sinks in, and some of the darkest AND most beautiful aspects of life begin to show face. Some of you will experience heartbreak for the first time, some will experience death, some will enter the work force to discover that the gossip and social politics we dealt with in high school are never-ending.
As we linger on the cusp of this critical moment in time, two steps forward often follow by one step back, frustration and pain interchange with excitement and novelty, and a new sense of discovery is born.
"I've got it!" "I know who I am!" "I know what I want!" These are the statements we proclaim with vigilance...and then there's a CATCH.
Something happens, someone lets us down, life changes unexpectedly and we feel back at square one.
This is the Catch 22--this is the battle of life in our twenties.
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