So back to the minutia of every day life in the city....and as I see myself joining a dating website....I see my purpose of friendship go to the sideways as I pursue meeting guys. Just three weeks in and I see the switch of focus. So...I pull back. I also begin to notice that these guys aren't actually looking for relationships...they are looking for sex...or if they are looking for a relationship...I don't have what they want.
I guess I'm so lost in myself right now, its no wonder guys aren't chasing after me. I have to figure myself out more. But how do you do that? I sat on this couch all day today, with a cold, snow covering the ground outside, and just working....and I don't think that is the answer. I want to dig inside of myself, find purpose and meaning in my life. I have been making small changes in my habits....cut back on smoking A LOT....started working out again. Once I regain control of my habits and myself, I think I will feel much better. Thats it! I'm not in control. I don't feel in control of my money, I don't feel in control of my drinking, and I don't feel in control of life.
What did I say in the last post? That the only thing you can control in this world is your own actions, and if can come to terms with the fact that thats all you have, then you will lead a much happier life. Well now I see the pudding...but there is no proof in it. I know what I need to do. But I am not doing it. Its too hard, too much discipline, I am fighting growing up. I am afraid I will become up tight, and a lot of that stems from me trying to grow up in college and getting so much shit for it. I need to look beyond that, see that those people didn't/couldn't understand me at that point in my life, cause I was so depressed. I was going through loosing my dad, and that is not an easy pill to swallow. I have come a long ways. I run a business successfully....well for the most part...and I need to realize that the little things are what will make me feel better.
1. Get up when your alarm goes off. Easy thing, but hard for me. You will start your day feeling efficient.
2. I need a ritual in the morning. My room feels overcrowded...which is why I wanted the platform to espcape to....somewhere I could sit, watch TV, drink coffee, and start working....in privacy without worrying about disturbing my roommates.
3. I have to get my house together, its the only way I am going to feel complete in there....but what about the fact that we have no windows....is that why it is hard to wake up in....is that why it is depressing? I don't know how Daniella does it.
4. Buy a blender/juicer so I can start juicing stuff
5. Cut back on how much I drink when I do....try to only have 4-5 beers when I go out...see if you can control yourself when you get drunk. That is a VERY important skill to learn to become an adult. Case in point: first time I went to meet one of my ex's family....Bryan....I got wasted...wihtout even knowing it. They just kept pouring me wine and I didn't know how to control what I was doing.
6. Control over what you eat most days....healthy breakfast, lunch, snack, and dinner. Once I have more money it shouldn't be too hard.
7. Control in how productive my days are at work. That means little to no social networking sites!
8. Control over attitude with people in my job....clients, vendors, etc. They can drive you crazy but you have to keep your cool, be professional, and I loose sight of that sometimes.
Daily Routine:
Morning workout, the best way to start my day, I will feel accomplished by 10am, and awake! I can probably wake up at 7am, post and do morning emails until 8am, drink coffee/wake up in the lounge, then head to the gym. 8am work out until 9pm. Get ready for work...if I am a little past 10am its fine because I already worked an hour that day.
5. Get into the studio no later than 10:30 and make a list and prioritize of what needs to be done that day. Work solid until 12:30. Take a lunch break. Leave and walk around, even if its snowing, just walking around for 15 minutes will clear my head.
6. Get back to work at 1pm and work solid until 7pm. Leave at 7pm sharp
7. Go home, cook dinner, read, hang with roomies, go to sleep around 10-10:30....
Ok there's a schedule...there is some discipline. Now that I have been waking up earlier, cut back on smoking, it shouldn't be too hard to accomplish. I think that should be my first goal, getting my schedule in line....
Weekly Goals.....My week starting on Friday and ending on Tuesday....Needs to be part of my routine and something I do every Thursday. Right now is when I need to work on building habits and getting my life together, no one is going to do it besides myself, so lets focus.
Ok realigning priorities. If I am going to go out with a guy, its once a week. Then I have another day/night to spend with a girlfriend. Put the time and effort into it, its important.
This was probably more just to get my head straight than anything....but there goes the bonuses for writing....ahhh I feel much better. :-)
Opening...Welcome!
Catch 22-Discovering Life in your 20's is a memoir centered on the tumultuos discovery of life and one's self in their twenties. Who am I? What makes me happy? What makes me sad? What makes me spark? What drives me? What career path do I choose? How do I find my soul-mate? Does a soul-mate even exist? What are the qualities I am searching for in that person? I have found that person...are they right for me? How do I find comfort in my own skin? Am I making the right decisions? Am I being safe with sex and drugs? At what point do my bad habits need to end? How do I budget my money and myself? How do I establish balance in my life? Questions out-weigh the answers, answers that we must continue through this tunnel of experience to understand.
Life is becoming more real every minute, adulthood sinks in, and some of the darkest AND most beautiful aspects of life begin to show face. Some of you will experience heartbreak for the first time, some will experience death, some will enter the work force to discover that the gossip and social politics we dealt with in high school are never-ending.
As we linger on the cusp of this critical moment in time, two steps forward often follow by one step back, frustration and pain interchange with excitement and novelty, and a new sense of discovery is born.
"I've got it!" "I know who I am!" "I know what I want!" These are the statements we proclaim with vigilance...and then there's a CATCH.
Something happens, someone lets us down, life changes unexpectedly and we feel back at square one.
This is the Catch 22--this is the battle of life in our twenties.
Life is becoming more real every minute, adulthood sinks in, and some of the darkest AND most beautiful aspects of life begin to show face. Some of you will experience heartbreak for the first time, some will experience death, some will enter the work force to discover that the gossip and social politics we dealt with in high school are never-ending.
As we linger on the cusp of this critical moment in time, two steps forward often follow by one step back, frustration and pain interchange with excitement and novelty, and a new sense of discovery is born.
"I've got it!" "I know who I am!" "I know what I want!" These are the statements we proclaim with vigilance...and then there's a CATCH.
Something happens, someone lets us down, life changes unexpectedly and we feel back at square one.
This is the Catch 22--this is the battle of life in our twenties.
